Sentences that follow a negative verb with because create confusion for readers.
I don’t love you because you’re beautiful.
No man can safely say this to his girlfriend because she hears the negation first and doesn’t listen to anything else he says. Our readers, like the girlfriend, hear “I don’t love you,” and then believe what follows to be an explanation for our heartlessness.
We meant to say, of course, that we do love our girlfriend, but that she is special in many ways, only one of which is her beauty. But that’s not what we said. To make sure she listens to our entire declaration, not just the first four words, we need to revise our first draft:
Good: I love you, but not because you’re beautiful.
Good: I love you not just for your beauty.
BEST: I love you for your beauty and your generous heart.
Clearly (at least I hope it’s clear to you, gentlemen) the boldest, most specific, most straightforward claim, without negatives, is the best. And of these sentences, the best are those that eliminate the because altogether.
In Class Exercise
Copy these sentences adapted from student essays into the Reply field below and revise them for boldness, specificity, and directness. Replace negative verbs with positive verbs. (Example: replace didn’t resign with declined to resign)
1. Coats wasn’t fired because he was using a legal drug, marijuana, for a legitimate purpose for which he had a prescription. He was fired for violating workplace policy.
2. An employer isn’t able to fire a person who has anxiety because they are taking the correct medication to deal with the issue.
3. Employees don’t get fired for going out and having a few beers after work because alcohol is legal, but in Colorado so is marijuana.
4. Coats shouldn’t have been fired because he was trying to treat the pain he endured on a daily basis.
5. It’s not fair to discriminate against him because he was able to ease the pain of his multiple spasms by using marijuana.
6. Coats wasn’t harming anyone at his job because he was smoking marijuana but he was doing so on his own time and not at work.
BACKGROUND FOR 7-10: The director of the Secret Service ordered an internal review of its security procedures around the White House after a man armed with a knife who jumped the fence at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue on Friday night managed to make his way through the front door of President Obama’s home before being stopped, officials said Saturday.
7. Omar Gonzalez didn’t penetrate deep into the White House because of the swift actions of Secret Service agents.
8. The Secret Service isn’t being compelled to explain its actions because of the way it responded to the breach of the White House, but how the breach occurred is under question.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson won’t be fired because of her testimony before Congress yesterday. Her incompetence might cost her her job though.
10. Secret Service agents didn’t use deadly force against the intruder because he was carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade.
Counterintuitive 
7. Omar Gonzalez didn’t penetrate deep into the White House because of the swift actions of Secret Service agents.
Revision: Secret service agents prohibited Omar Gonzalez from penetrating deep into the white house because of their swift actions.
8. The Secret Service isn’t being compelled to explain its actions because of the way it responded to the breach of the White House, but how the breach occurred is under question.
Revision: How the breach occurred is under question but because of how the Secret service responded they are not being compelled to explain their actions.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson won’t be fired because of her testimony before Congress yesterday. Her incompetence might cost her her job though.
Revision: Secret service Chief Julia Piersons testimony before congress yesterday is not in question, however her incompetence might cost her her job.
10. Secret Service agents didn’t use deadly force against the intruder because he was carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade.
Revision: The intruder, only wielding a 4 inch knife was not met with deadly force by the secret service agents.
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Nice work overall. Some recommended amendments.
7. By their swift actions, secret service agents prohibited Omar Gonzalez from penetrating deep into the White House.
(eliminates the because altogether)
(is an effective use of an introductory By phrase)
9. (Just some punctuation problems): Secret service Chief Julia Pierson’s testimony before congress yesterday is not in question; however, her incompetence might cost her her job.
10. (the placement of only): The intruder, wielding only a 4-inch knife, was not met with deadly force by the secret service agents.
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1. Coats got to keep his job because he was using a legal drug, marijuana, for a legitimate purpose for which he had a prescription. He was fired for violating workplace policy.
2. A person who has anxiety can keep their job because they are taking the correct medication to deal with the issue.
3. Employees are aloud to go have a few beers after work because alcohol is legal, but in Colorado so is marijuana.
4. Coats should have kept his job because he was trying to treat the pain he endured on a daily basis.
5. He should have been treated equal because he was able to ease the pain of his multiple spasms by using marijuana.
6. Coats was calm at work because he was smoking marijuana but he was doing so on his own time and not at work.
7. Omar Gonzalez mad little progress into the White House because of the swift actions of Secret Service agents.
8. The Secret Service keeps their actions a secret because of the way it responded to the breach of the White House, but how the breach occurred is under question.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson will keep her job because of her testimony before Congress yesterday. Her incompetence might cost her her job though.
10. Secret Service agents used techniques other then deadly force against the intruder because he was carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade.
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1. Brilliant substitution of the positive verb: got to keep his job.
2. Very nice except for the failure of your pronouns to agree in number. A person keeps HIS job or HER job.
3. Beautiful except you mean ALLOWED.
4. Nice.
5. Nice except he should have been treated EQUALLY.
6. Good.
7. This one just works better when the Because clause comes first.
8. From your sentence I might conclude that THE WAY THEY RESPONDED was to keep their actions secret.
9. There is a subtle difference between keeping your job because of the way you testify and not being fired for the way you testify. It’s tricky to split the difference. I don’t think you have. The trick is in the “for the,” which eliminates the “because.”
10. Might be a little clearer if he was carrying “only” a knife with a 4-inch blade.
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1. Coats was fired for violating work place policy, not for using a legal drug that he had a prescription for.
2. An employer can fire someone for incompetence, not for using a medication that one has qualifying permits for.
3. Employee’s are free to go out after work to have a few beers, and the same applies to marijuana in states where it is legal like Colorado.
4. Coats was fired for his workplace ethics, not for the medication he used legally.
5. Coats was able to ease his pains with marijuana, and that should not have placed him in a bad position.
6. Coats was being harmless to his coworkers by smoking marijuana on his own time.
7. Omar Gonzalaz was able to enter the premises of the white house, but not enter deep into the house itself.
8. The secret service has to discuss how the breach happened.
9.Julia Pierson will be fired for her incompetence, not for the statement she made.
10. Secret service agents spared the intruders life due to him only wielding a 4-inch knife.
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1. Nice.
2. Nice.
3. Good except you mean “Employees.”
4. Terrific.
5. Nice. Was he also permitted to do so?
6. I like the way you simplify.
7. Good. The White House.
8. Simple is beautiful.
9. Outstanding.
10. Never use “due to.” They spared his life because he was carrying only a 4-inch knife.
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1.Coats was fired for violating workplace policy, not for using marijuana, which he had a legal prescription for.
2.An employer cannot fire a person using drugs if it is used as medication to fix anxiety.
3.In Colorado, marijuana is legal, just like alcohol, and employees do not get fired for having a few beers after work.
4.Coats was trying to cope with his pain in a legal way and should not have been fired.
5.One should not be discriminated against for using marijuana to ease pain.
6.Coats was not smoking marijuana at work and therefor not harming anyone he worked with.
7.Omar Gonzales was not able to penetrate into the White House thanks to the swift action of the Secret Service agents guarding the house.
8.The secret service is more concerned with how the breach occurred rather than to respond about how they acted during the breach.
9.If Secret Service chief, Julia Pierson is to be fired, it will be because of her incompetence rather than her testimony.
10.The intruder was only carrying a 4-inch knife so deadly force was not necessary.
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1. I like the way you clarify first that he was fired.
2. Good but how about: cannot fire an employee for using drugs to alleviate anxiety?
3. Very nice.
4. Very nice.
5. Love it. Hate “one should,” but that’s just my personal prejudice.
6. Good. You kept the “not smoking” but made the logic clear.
7. Clear.
8. Your construction requires a bit more language. “The secret service is more concerned with how the breach THAN WITH HOW to respond about how they acted during the breach.”
9. Creative and very nice.
10. Clever but misplaces the “only.” The intruder was carrying ONLY a 4-inch knife so deadly force was not necessary.
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1. Coats wasn’t fired because he was using a legal drug, marijuana, for a legitimate purpose for which he had a prescription. He was fired for violating workplace policy.
Coats was fired for violating the workplace policy.
2. An employer isn’t able to fire a person who has anxiety because they are taking the correct medication to deal with the issue.
An employer cannot fire an employee for anxiety if they are taking the correct medication to control the issue.
3. Employees don’t get fired for going out and having a few beers after work because alcohol is legal, but in Colorado so is marijuana.
Employees can maintain a job even when going out and having a few beers after work because alcohol is legal, but in Colorado so is marijuana.
4. Coats shouldn’t have been fired because he was trying to treat the pain he endured on a daily basis.
Coats should have kept his job since he was trying to reduce the pain he endured on a daily basis.
5. It’s not fair to discriminate against him because he was able to ease the pain of his multiple spasms by using marijuana.
It is fair to not discriminate against him because he was able to ease the pain of his multiple spasms by using marijuana.
6. Coats wasn’t harming anyone at his job because he was smoking marijuana but he was doing so on his own time and not at work.
Coats was a professional employee while he was smoking marijuana on his own time and not at work.
BACKGROUND FOR 7-10: The director of the Secret Service ordered an internal review of its security procedures around the White House after a man armed with a knife who jumped the fence at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue on Friday night managed to make his way through the front door of President Obama’s home before being stopped, officials said Saturday.
7. Omar Gonzalez didn’t penetrate deep into the White House because of the swift actions of Secret Service agents.
Omar Gonzalez was stopped before he penetrated the White House because of the swift actions of the Secret Service agents.
8. The Secret Service isn’t being compelled to explain its actions because of the way it responded to the breach of the White House, but how the breach occurred is under question.
The Secret Service is silent when asked about their actions resulting in the breach, but how the breach occurred is under question.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson won’t be fired because of her testimony before Congress yesterday. Her incompetence might cost her her job though.
Secret Service chief, Julia Pierson, is keeping her job because of her testimony before Congress yesterday. She can be fired because of her incompetence though.
10. Secret Service agents didn’t use deadly force against the intruder because he was carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade.
Secret Service agents used forces that were not deadly since the intruder was carrying a knife with a 4 inch blade.
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1. Way to avoid the problem! 🙂
2. We often get ourselves into trouble with too many people and pronouns. The better solution here eliminates the extra language. “An employer cannot fire an employee for taking the correct medication to control anxiety.”
3. See if putting the horse first works better: “Employees who have a few beers after work or enjoy marijuana where it’s legal can keep their jobs.”
4. Sure.
5. That’s interesting: It’s fair to not discriminate.
6. Does your version mean Coats was professional only on his own time and not at work?
7. You could eliminate the “because” altogether. “The swift actions of the Secret Service agents prevented Omar Gonzalez from penetrating the White House.”
8. Yeah.
9. Again, eliminating “because” is more effective in this case. “Her testimony before Congress yesterday won’t cost Julia Pierson her job, but her incompetence might.”
10. Sure.
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1. Coats was fired, not for using marijuana, but for violating workplace policy.
2. An employer is prohibited to fire a person who has anxiety because they are taking the correct medication to deal with the issue.
3. Employers can get fired, but not for going out and having a few beers after because alcohol is legal, and so is marijuana in Colorado.
4. Coats should have been fired, but not because he was trying to treat the pain he endured on a daily basis.
5. It’s fair to discriminate against him, but not because he was able to ease the pain of his multiple spasms by using marijuana.
6. Coats was smoking on his own time and not at work, therefore he wasn’t harming anyone at work.
7. Omar Gonzalez was stopped shortly after entering the White House because of the swift actions of the Secret Service.
8. The Secret Service is being compelled to explain its actions not because of the way it responded to the breach of the White House, but how the breach occurred is under question.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson will be fired not because of her testimony before Congress yesterday but for her incompetence.
10. The intruder was only carrying a 4 inch knife, so the Secret Service didn’t use deadly force.
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1. Beautiful, but you can eliminate the commas.
2. Very nice, but what if you got rid of the “because” altogether by saying “for taking the right medication”?
3. Nice.
4. Very nice.
5. Very nice, but his “ability to ease his pain” is not the issue; “because he was easing his pain” is the issue.
6. Beautiful except for the punctuation. “not at work; therefore, he wasn’t harming anyone at work.”
7. Sounds like he entered the White House because of the actions of the Secret Service.
8. Nice.
9. Very nice.
10. The intruder was only carrying a 4 inch knife, so the Secret Service didn’t use deadly force.
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1. Coats wasn’t fired because he was using a legal drug, marijuana, for a legitimate purpose for which he had a prescription. He was fired for violating workplace policy.
1. Coats got to keep his job because he was using a legal drug, marijuana, for a legitimate purpose for which he had a prescription. He was fired for violating workplace policy.
2. An employer isn’t able to fire a person who has anxiety because they are taking the correct medication to deal with the issue.
2. A person with anxiety is allowed to keep their job because they are taking the correct medication to deal with the issue.
3. Employees don’t get fired for going out and having a few beers after work because alcohol is legal, but in Colorado so is marijuana.
3. Employees are allowed to go out and have a few beers after work because alcohol is legal, also marijuana is legal in Colorado.
4. Coats shouldn’t have been fired because he was trying to treat the pain he endured on a daily basis.
4. Coats should have kept his job because he was trying to treat the pain he endured on a daily basis.
5. It’s not fair to discriminate against him because he was able to ease the pain of his multiple spasms by using marijuana.
5. He should be treated fairly because he was able to ease the pain of his multiple spasms by using marijuana.
6. Coats wasn’t harming anyone at his job because he was smoking marijuana but he was doing so on his own time and not at work.
6. Coats was very calm at work because he was smoking marijuana on his own time.
7. Omar Gonzalez didn’t penetrate deep into the White House because of the swift actions of Secret Service agents.
7. Omar Gonzalez got into the White House but did not make it very deep because of the swift actions of Secret Service agents.
8. The Secret Service isn’t being compelled to explain its actions because of the way it responded to the breach of the White House, but how the breach occurred is under question.
8. The Secret Service has to discuss how the breach happened.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson won’t be fired because of her testimony before Congress yesterday. Her incompetence might cost her her job though.
9.Julia Pierson will be fired for her incompetence, not for the testimony that occurred yesterday.
10. Secret Service agents didn’t use deadly force against the intruder because he was carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade.
10. Secret Service agents used forces that weren’t deadly because the intruder was carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade.
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1. A little confusing. He got to keep his job, but he was fired?
2. Granted this assignment is complicated, but your employee keeps a job by taking medication. Not what you meant.
3. OK.
4. The way you’ve written it, you’d be better off flipping the claims: Coats was treating his daily pain so he shouldn’t have been fired.
5. OK.
6. Cute.
7. Good but relocating the because phrase makes it better: Omar Gonzalez got into the White House but because of the swift actions of Secret Service agents he did not make it very deep.
8. Way to avoid the problem! 🙂
9. Beautiful.
10. Nice.
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1. Coats wasn’t fired because he was using a legal drug, marijuana, for a legitimate purpose for which he had a prescription. He was fired for violating workplace policy.
– Coats was fired for violating workplace policy.
2. An employer isn’t able to fire a person who has anxiety because they are taking the correct medication to deal with the issue.
– People who have anxiety cannot be fired for taking their medication to deal with their medical issues.
3. Employees don’t get fired for going out and having a few beers after work because alcohol is legal, but in Colorado so is marijuana.
– Employees are allowed to go out and drink alcohol without losing their jobs because alcohol is legal, but so is marijuana in Colorado.
4. Coats shouldn’t have been fired because he was trying to treat the pain he endured on a daily basis.
– Coats should have kept his job in his attempt to ease the pain he suffered daily.
5. It’s not fair to discriminate against him because he was able to ease the pain of his multiple spasms by using marijuana.
– It is unfair to discriminate against Coats for easing the pain of his spams using marijuana.
6. Coats wasn’t harming anyone at his job because he was smoking marijuana but he was doing so on his own time and not at work.
– Coats was smoking marijuana on his own time without affecting any of his coworkers.
7. Omar Gonzalez didn’t penetrate deep into the White House because of the swift actions of Secret Service agents.
– Secret Service agents prevented Omar Gonzales from deeply penetrating into the White House
8. The Secret Service isn’t being compelled to explain its actions because of the way it responded to the breach of the White House, but how the breach occurred is under question.
– The Secret Service is compelled because of the way that the breach occurred.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson won’t be fired because of her testimony before Congress yesterday. Her incompetence might cost her her job though.
– Julia Pierson, chief of the Secret Service, might be fired because of her incompetence, not because of her testimony before congress.
10. Secret Service agents didn’t use deadly force against the intruder because he was carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade.
– Because the intruder was carrying a 4-inch knife, Secret Service agents avoided using deadly force against him.
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2. People with anxiety have the right to take their medication to deal with their medical issues without risking their jobs.
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Brilliant.
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1. Way to avoid the problem! 🙂
2. Nice.
3. Fine. The “but” is weird.
4. “Not” verbs aren’t always bad. In combination with “because” they are, but you could use this approach: Coats should not have been fired for easing the pain he suffered daily.
5. Very nice with small changes: It is unfair to discriminate against Coats for easing the pain of his spasms by using marijuana.
6. Very nice.
7. Perfect.
8. Is compelled to what?
9. Very nice.
10. Very nice. “Refrained from” would have been even better.
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1. Coats was fired, but not because he was using a legal drug, marijuana, for a legitimate purpose for which he had a prescription.
2. An employer is able to fire a person who has anxiety, but not because they are taking the correct medication to deal with the issue.
3. Employees are allowed to go out and have a few beers after work because alcohol is legal, but in Colorado so is marijuana.
4. Coats should still be working because he was trying to treat the pain he endured on a daily basis.
5. It’s morally incorrect to discriminate against him for the reason that he needed to ease the pain of his multiple spasms by using marijuana.
6. Coats’ marijuana smoking habits were not at work and on his own time, which is why he should not have been fired for it.
7. Omar Gonzalez did penetrate deep into the White House, but not because of the swift actions of Secret Service agents.
8. The Secret Service says nothing about its actions because of the way it responded to the breach of the White House, but how the breach occurred is under question.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson may lose her job due to incompetence, but not because of her testimony.
10. Secret Service agents refrained from using deadly force against the intruder because he was carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade.
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1. “But not because” is very nice.
2. Nice.
3. This is a really tricky one because of the “but in Colorado” part. My favorite solution contains language like this: Employees who have a few beers after work or enjoy marijuana where it’s legal can keep their jobs.
4. Very clever.
5. Very clever.
6. You’re good at this.
7. Would make more sense with a change: Omar Gonzalez did penetrate deep into the White House, but not because of [ANY FAILURE OF] the Secret Service [WHO ACTED SWIFTLY]. Better?
8. The Secret Service says nothing about its actions because of the way it responded to the breach of the White House, but how the breach occurred is under question.
9. Nice.
10. Good, but better if he was carrying ONLY a knife.
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Didn’t have enough time in class to start. Will reply to this when I get home
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Are you home? 🙂
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1. Coats was fired for violating workplace policy, not for using a legal drug.
2. An employer cannot fire a person who is taking the correct medication for anxiety.
3. Marijuana is legal in Colorado just like alcohol and employees don’t get fired for drinking
4. Coats should have been fired but not for using his medication that helped his pain.
5. Coats shouldn’t have been discriminated for using a legal drug to help with his anxiety.
6. Coats caused no harm to his employees by smoking marijuana on his own time.
7. The swift actions of the Secret Service agents prevented Omar from entering deeper into the White House.
8. The Secret Service isn’t being asked to discuss the response to the breach but rather how it occurred.
9. Cheif Julia Pierson won’t be fired for her testimony but her incompetence could lead to her losing her job.
10. The intruder was carrying a 4-inch blade knife so the agents didn’t use deadly force.
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1. Very nice.
2. Brilliant.
3. Love it.
4. You are very good at this.
5. You seem to understand every method for eliminating the trouble.
6. That’s another one.
7. Creative and wonderful.
8. Very nice.
9. Need another way to say Yay!
10. Very fine. Would be improved by calling it “only a 4-inch knife.”
Truly terrific.
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1.)Coats was fired for violating workplace policy, not for using marijuana, which he had a legal prescription for.
2.)A business can’t fire a man who has uneasiness since they are taking the right prescription to manage the issue.
3.) Employees are aloud to go have a few beers after work because alcohol is legal, but in Colorado so is marijuana.
4.)Coats shouldn’t have been let go in light of the fact that he was endeavoring to treat the torment he persisted once a day.
5.)One should not be discriminated against for using marijuana to ease the pain.
6.)Coats wasn’t hurting anybody with his activity since he was smoking marijuana yet he was doing as such without taking anyone else time and also not at work.
7.) Omar Gonzalez was able to enter the premises of the white house, but not enter deep into the house itself.
8.)the secret service is forced to explain the actions of how the breach occurred.
9.)Secret Service chief Julia Pierson won’t be discharged thanks to her testimony before Congress yesterday but her incompetence may cost a little to her job though.
10.)the secret service didn’t use deadly force against the intruder as he was just carrying a 4-inch knife.
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1.) Very nice.
2.) Your use of “they” confuses whether you mean the employee (singular) or the business (plural).
3.) You mean ALLOWED.
4.) Interesting. No one else has used “in light of” as a solution.
5.) Very nice.
6.) That one’s a mess. Cut half the words.
7.) Good.
8.) Way to avoid the problem! 🙂
9.) It sounds like her testimony SAVED her job the way you say it. That’s not accurate.
10.) Very nice.
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1. Coats was fired for violating workplace policy, not as a result of using a legal drug, marijuana, for a legitimate purpose for which he had a prescription.
2. Because they are taking the correct medication to deal with the issue, an employer cannot fire a person with anxiety on this premise.
3. Employees get fired for reasons other than going out and having a few beers after work because alcohol is legal, as is marijuana in Colorado.
4. Coats should have kept his job because he was trying to treat the pain he endured on a daily basis.
5. Because he was able to ease the pain of his multiple spasms by using marijuana, he should have been treated fairly.
6. Coats was smoking marijuana on his own time, not at work, and treated everyone without harm.
7. Omar Gonzalez was only able to make it through the front door of the White House before the swift actions of Secret Service agents caught him.
8. The Secret Service is attempting to explain how the breach occurred rather than how they dealt with it.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson may be fired because of her incompetence, not her testimony before Congress.
10. Because he was carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade, Secret Service agents refrained from using deadly force against the intruder.
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1. Good but it sounds like he had a prescription for a purpose.
2. Created a problem for yourself by using “they” to refer to “a person.”
3. Nice. I like the “as is” solution.
4. Sounds like treating his pain was a reason to keep his job.
5. Is easing his pain a reason to be treated fairly?
6. Clever.
7. Very nice.
8. Very nice.
9. Not because of her testimony.
10. Because he was carrying ONLY a knife maybe.
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1. Coats was fired because he violated a workplace policy, not for using marijuana, which he had a prescription for.
2. An employer cannot fire someone who is using a medication to control their anxiety.
3. Employees cannot get fired for using marijuana after work in Colorado, as employees in other states don’t get fired for having a few beers in other states.
4. Coats was treating his pain his endured every day and shouldn’t have been fired.
5. Coats was easing his pain with marijuana and shouldn’t have been discriminated against.
6. Coats was smoking marijuana when he wasn’t at work so he wasn’t harming anyone.
7. The swift actions of the Secret Service stopped Omar Gonzalez from going deep into the White House.
8. The Secret Service is being asked how the breach occurred.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson might be fired because of her incompetence, not because of her testimony.
10. The intruder was carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade so the Secret Service didn’t have to use deadly force.
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1. Good work.
2. Very nice. Terse.
3. Clever to deal with the Colorado problem first. Nobody else thought of that.
4. Good.
5. You’re very creative.
6. Your particular skill is cutting to the chase. Bravo.
7. Oh yes.
8. Bit evasive but OK. You’ve earned it.
9. Good.
10. Clever.
Very impressive overall.
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1. Coas was not fired not for his legal usage of marijuana, but the reality that he was violating workplace policy.
2. If an employee is taking the correct medication needed to ease their anxiety, than they can not be terminated by their employer.
3.Employees will not be fired for having a few beers after work, as alcohol is legal; this is the same rule of thumb for having a joint after work in Colorado, where marijuana is legal.
4. Being that Coats was only trying to endure his daily pain, he should have been spared from his termination
5. Discriminating against a person who uses marijuana for medicinal use is not honorable.
6. Since Coats only smoked marijuana outside of work, he was not at risk of causing harm to anyone while on the job.
7. Omar Gonzalez’s efforts to gain entry into the white house were unsuccessful thanks to the swift actions of the Secret Service agents.
8. The reasoning for how the breach was able occur is awaiting explanation from the Secret Service.
9. Secret Service cheief Julia Pierson gave her testimony before congress yesterday and will likely lose her job as a result of her incompetence.
10. Deadly force was decided not to be taken upon the intruder, as he was only carrying a king with a 4-inch blade.
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edit to number 1!
Coats was not fired for his legal usage of marijuana, but the reality that he was violating workplace policy.
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okay, i’m noticing quite a few typos that could have been easily avoided if i was more attentive. sorry!
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Adding “the reality” doesn’t really help.
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1. You can legally say: Coats was not fired for A but for B. That works. But even better is: Coats was fired for B, not for A.
2. “An employee” can’t be called “they.”
3. Wordy but very clear. Clear is great. Clear and brief is even better.
4. “Because” is always better than “Being that.”
5. Love it. “Is not honorable” is a very clever way to introduce the “shouldn’t.”
6. Wordy. He “was not causing.”
7. “were unsuccessful thanks to” could be rephrased “were thwarted by.” The second version gives more credit to the Secret Service.
8. Fascinating.
9. Beautifully evasive.
10. “as he was only carrying” shows great instincts. But “was decided not to be taken” is really twisted. How about, “The Secret Service refrained from deadly force”?
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Thank you! Useful feedback I always appreciate 🙂
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1. Coats was fired for violating workplace policy, not for using prescribed marijuana.
2. A worker dealing with anxiety who is taking the correct medication, should be able to keep their job.
3. Employees can get fired, but in Colorado they won’t be fired for having a few beers or smoking marijuana.
4. Coats should of been able to keep his job because he was only trying to treat his daily pain.
5. It’s fair to discriminate against him, but not because he was trying to ease the pain of his multiple spasms by using marijuana.
6. No harm came to anyone at Coat’s work because he was smoking marijuana on his own time and not at work.
7. Omar Gonzales was stopped very quickly by the secret service, barely penetrating into the White House.
8. The secret service is compelled to explain how the breach occurred, but not its actions.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson might lose her job because of her incompetence.
10. There was no need for the use of deadly force from Secret Service agents because the intruder was carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade.
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1. Beautiful.
2. Wonderful. Should be able to keep HER job.
3. Very clever.
4. Should HAVE been able.
5. Interesting. I find myself agreeing that discrimination was fair. 🙂
6. This one fails for logic. It seems to say that Coats’s smoking spared everyone from harm.
7. OK.
8. A little iffy because “its actions” seems to refer to the breach.
9. Evasive but effective.
10. Very good. Better still would be “only a knife.”
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1. Coats was fired for violating workplace policy. His use of prescription marijuana is irrelevant to his job termination.
2. An employer must keep person who has anxiety employed as long as they are taking the correct medication to deal with the issue.
3. Employees don’t get fired for going out and having a few beers after work because alcohol is legal, but in Colorado so is marijuana.
4. Coats shouldn’t have been fired because he was trying to treat the pain he endured on a daily basis.
5. It’s not fair to discriminate against him because he was able to ease the pain of his multiple spasms by using marijuana.
6. Coats wasn’t harming anyone at his job because he was smoking marijuana but he was doing so on his own time and not at work.
7. Omar Gonzalez didn’t penetrate deep into the White House because of the swift actions of Secret Service agents.
8. The Secret Service isn’t being compelled to explain its actions because of the way it responded to the breach of the White House, but how the breach occurred is under question.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson will keep her job despite her testimony before Congress yesterday. Her incompetence might cost her her job though.
10. Secret Service agents spared the intruder’s life because he was carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade.
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1. Very inventive.
2. Again.
3. Doesn’t solve the strange “but in Colorado” complication.
4. Why should he have been fired?
5. Then for what reason is it fair to discriminate against him?
6. You mean: Coats wasn’t harming anyone at his job BY smoking marijuana. Your version doesn’t solve the Not/Because problem.
7. Then how do you explain that he penetrated deep into the White House? Again, your version does not solve the problem.
8. Let’s try this the other way: The Secret Service IS being compelled to explain HOW the breach of the White House occurred, not their actions in response.
9. Very confusing. Will she keep her job or not?
10. Good one, but it would be much more understandable as: because he carrying ONLY a small knife. Right?
Wonderful where they’re wonderful, but oddly inconsistent.
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1. Coats was using the legal drug, marijuana, for a legitimate purpose for which he had a prescription. He was fired for violating workplace policy.
2. An employer will not be able to fire a person with the correct medication to deal with the issue.
3. Alcohol is legal for the employees so they can avoid situations a t work, but in Colorado so is marijuana.
4. Coats was enduring the pain on the daily so being fired is not an option.
5. Discrimmination against him would be unfair since he was able to ease the pain of his multiple spasms by using marijuana.
6. Nobody was harmed by coats at the job, not even from smoking since he was doing it on his own time.
7. The Secret Service agent’s swift actions kept Omar Gonzalez out of the White House.
8. The Secret Service agents are compelled by the way it responded to the breach of the White House, but how the breach occurred is under question.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson will be fired of her testimony before Congress yesterday. Her incompetence might cost her the job though.
10. Secret Service agents used deadly force against the intruder who was carrying a 4-inch blade.
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1. Nice. Who says it has to be one sentence? 🙂
2. “fire a person with the correct medication”?
3. I appreciate the brevity, but this one makes no sense.
4. “on the daily”?
5. If he’d eased his pain with a quart of whiskey at lunchtime, would discrimination have been unfair?
6. Good one.
7. Very nice except you need the possessive plural for the Agents’ actions.
8. Do you mean they were compelled to act as they did?
9. “will be fired of her testimony”?
10. I’m pretty sure they didn’t.
If sentence structure is important to you, I have time to review these with you, PB.
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1. Coats was fired for workplace policy, not for usage of medical marijuana which he had a prescription for.
2. An employer isn’t able to fire a person with anxiety because they are taking the medication.
3. Just as getting a drink after work is legal, smoking a joint is legal in Colorado.
4. Coats shouldn’t have been fired because he was trying to treat his suffering.
5. It’s not fair to discriminate against him because he was able to ease his multiple spasms by using marijuana.
6. Coats wasn’t harming anyone at his job when he sparked up a joint because he waited until he got home to light up.
7. Omar Gonzalez didn’t get too far into the White House given the swiftness of the Secret Service.
8. The Secret Service isn’t being compelled to explain its actions because of the way it responded to the breach; how the breach occurred is the real issue.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson won’t be fired given her testimony before Congress. Her incompetence might cost her her job though.
10. Since the intruder only had a 4 inch blade, Secret Service agents had no need for deadly force.
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1. Beautiful. Sticklers would tell you to say, “for which he had a prescription.”
2. Doesn’t avoid the Not/Because problem.
3. Really nice.
4. Doesn’t avoid the Not/Because problem. This one’s easy. “Coats shouldn’t have been fired for trying to treat his suffering.”
5. This fix is the same fix: “It’s not fair to discriminate against him for easing his multiple spasms with marijuana.”
6. This one would be improved by flipping he time sequence: Because he waited until he got home to light up, Coats didn’t harm anyone at his job when he sparked up a joint.
7. Doesn’t have to be negative. Consider a positive replacement: “Omar Gonzalez was prevented from penetrating deep into the White House by the swiftness of the Secret Service response.”
8. Nice.
9. One word makes this one right: “Secret Service chief Julia Pierson won’t be fired FOR her testimony before Congress. Her incompetence might cost her her job though.”
10. Very nice.
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7. Because of the swift actions of Secret Service agents, Omar Gonzalez didn’t penetrate deep into the white house.
8. How the breach occurred is under questioning, but how the Secret Service responded isn’t.
9. Secret Service Chief, Julia Pierson, incompetence might cost her her job, but her testimony before Congress will not.
10. The intruder carried a 4-inch blade, so the Secret Service agents did not use deadly force against him.
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1. Coats was fired for violating work policy, and not because he was legitimately using marijuana.
2. People with anxiety that are taking the correct medication to deal with the issue, can’t be fired by an employer.
3. Becasue Marijauna is legal in Colorado employees don’t get fired for going out to smoke.
4. Coats ws trying to treat the pain he endured on a daily basis, and he shouldn’t have been fired for that.
5. He was able to ease the pain of his mutiple spasms by using marijuana, but it’s not fair to discriminate against him.
6. Coats smoked marijuana on his own time, which did not put him on company’s time; also, he harmed no one by doing so either.
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