Revisions—Mechanical

Quotation Marks for Articles

UNCORRECTED
In the Milton Friedman’s piece The Island of Stone Money, I noticed an idea.

CORRECTED
In Milton Friedman’s piece, “The Island of Stone Money,” I noticed an idea.

Capital I
Quotation Marks for Articles

UNCORRECTED
When i came across the article by Milton Friedman named The Island of Stone Money I was intrigued.

CORRECTED
When I came across the article by Milton Friedman titled “The Island of Stone Money,” I was intrigued.

In-Text Citation, not parenthetical APA

Use in-text citation instead of the APA parenthetical method.

UNCORRECTED
Friedman also discussed an instance where the french technically owned some portion of gold. However, they never physically retrieved the gold, instead a deal was made with the U.S and was stored in a drawer on our homeland. (Friedman)

CORRECTED
In “The Island of Stone Money,” Friedman demonstrated the abstract nature of ownership with an anecdote in which the French took possession of some US gold not by physically retrieving it but by permitting the US to store it in a drawer labeled “France.”


Miscellaneous Grammar Corrections

1. Money only has value due to the fact that everyone wants it.
“Due to” means “caused by,” so your sentence would read:
Money only has value caused by the fact that everyone wants it.
You’d probably agree that a better version would be:
Money only has value because everyone wants it.

2. Money only has value because everyone wants it.
“Only” always modifies the word or phrase that follows it.
Your sentence, therefore, means: Money only has value. Which means the only relationship money has to value is that it has it. By that logic, money can’t earn value, lose value, find value, etc.
You’d probably agree that a better version would be:
Money has value only because everyone wants it.

3. Before people use to barter or trade for things they wanted.
The phrase for things often happened in the past is “used to.”
Your sentence, therefore, should be:
Before people used to barter or trade for things they wanted.

4. Before people used to barter or trade for things they wanted.
Your sentence needs a comma. If people used to barter at an earlier time, the comma follows Before:
Before, people used to barter or trade for things they wanted.
But since “used to” indicates clearly an earlier time, you’d probably agree a better version would be:
People used to barter or trade for things they wanted.

5. An example of this is trading cattle for different herbs, spices, or supplies.
Different from what?
An example of this is trading cattle for herbs, spices, or supplies.

6. Money however is a form of middle man.
When it interrupts a sentence, however is surrounded by commas.
Money, however, is a form of middle man.

7. Money, however, is a form of middle man.
Unless you’re going to distinguish between kinds or types or forms of middle man, you should avoid the words kind, and type, and form.
Money, however, is a middle man.


In Class Exercise

Use the Reply field to make one fluent sentence from this mess:

The softball game is cancelled due to the impending storm only threatening the different southern counties that are use to mild types of weather. Classes however will be held.

 

Published by

davidbdale

Inventor of and sole practitioner of 299-word Very Short Novels. www.davidbdale.wordpress.com

30 thoughts on “Revisions—Mechanical”

  1. Though the storm is only threatening other southern counties that experience mild weather, the softball game will be cancelled but classes will not.

    Like

    1. Softball games in the southern counties will be cancelled as a result of the impending storms; classes however, will still be held

      Like

  2. Due to the impending inclement weather in the southern counties, the softball game will be cancelled; classes however, will remain on schedule.

    Like

    1. Since the southern counties are used to mild weather and inclement weather is impending in the area, the softball game will be cancelled; classes, however will remain on schedule.

      Like

  3. The softball game is cancelled because of the impending storm threatening only the southern counties that are used to mild types of weather. Classes, however, will be held.

    Like

  4. The softball game is cancelled because of the impending storm threatening only the southern counties that are used to mild weather, however, classes will be held.

    Like

  5. Despite the impending storm threat to the southern counties the softball game will be cancelled, although the classes will be held as per the schedules.

    Like

    1. Despite the impending storm threat to the southern counties, the softball game will be cancelled although the classes will be held as per the schedules.

      Like

  6. The softball game is cancelled, because of the impending storm threatening the southern counties that are used to mild weather. Classes, however, will be held.

    Like

  7. The softball game is cancelled because of an impending storm that will effect the southern counties, however classes will be held.

    Like

  8. The softball game is cancelled because of the impending storm threatening the southern counties used to mild weather, however, classes will still be held.

    Like

  9. The softball game is cancelled of the impending storm threatening the southern counties that are used to mild types of weather, however, classes will be held.

    Like

  10. The softball game is cancelled because of the impending storm threatening the southern counties that are used to mild weather; however, classes will still be held.

    Like

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