Category: Sample Feedback

Visual Rewrite Advice

Draft Version of First Second

0:00-0:01 Ad opens on a porcelain tea-kettle in the shape of a cat’s head, mostly white but with blue on the outside of the head, brush strokes made to look like hair and small blue flowers on the spout and top of the kettle. The cat’s eyes have been given a more human look, seemingly looking up at its’s holder as if to say my contents are good. It has a small, round pink nose and thin pink lips. The cat is being held buy a well manicured hands, the holder must have just left the nail salon. The background is distorted as to not distract us from the kettle cat. But you can make out a possible shelf with other small items. The overall image is bright and clean.

Revision Advice

[I’ve highlighted some grammar and punctuation problems, Username.]

That’s a beautiful description of an opening image, Username. I wonder now what you conclude from looking at it. The trick of the Visual Rhetoric is two-fold. 1) Describe the Visual; 2) Explain the Rhetoric.

That tea-kettle is SOMEBODY’S taste. Perhaps not yours or mine.

  • To admirers, it’s a find.
  • To the vast majority of viewers, it’s an object of amusement at best, scorn at worst.

We don’t want to judge the person who is lovingly handling it, but we do wonder what they could possibly find desirable about it. Does any of that cross your mind when you watch the first second?

SOMETHING crossed your mind. Whatever that SOMETHING is that presented itself to your consciousness IS THE RHETORICAL VALUE of the image.

  • Is this a thrift store item?
  • Is the admirer trying to save money on housewares?
  • Or is it an antique item that might be worth thousands of dollars (not more desirable per se, perhaps, but maybe a good investment).

Those newly-manicured nails.

  • Do they say: “I shop at thrift stores so I can afford expensive manicures”?
  • Or do they say: “I can afford both expensive manicures and costly antiques”?
  • Or do they say: “I do my own nails so I can afford to shop wherever I want”?

The odds are pretty good this is not an ad for kitty-kettles, so there’s something other than a commercial message being delivered in this first second.

The director did EVERYTHING for a reason. Why did she make these first-second choices?

Please comment below if you now understand the two components of the Visual Rhetoric Task.

  1. Visual
  2. Rhetoric

Summaries – pinkpineapples23

Summary 1

Do multivitamins really work

It seems counterintuitive that the multivitamins we thought makes us healthier actually put us at risk for diseases. A study of postmenopausal women was done in 2009 and it showed that multivitamins didn’t protect them from the disease that where studied, which were heart disease, lung, breast, and colon cancer. Another study was done 3years later and ended up with similar conclusions. Not only does it put you at risk for diseases, but it is also a waste of your money.

An oft-cited study concluded that regular vitamin users are more likely than non-users to get their quota from the foods they eat.  This may cause many people to exceed the recommended daily limit of certain vitamins and minerals which could be dangerous. For example, a pregnant woman who takes standard multis containing the retinol form of vitamin A can increase the risk of birth defects. The food and drug administration’s do not regulate the labeling of supplements. A law was then passed that forced manufactures to put a warning label on supplements that could cause health risks, the industry opposed it. They believe in the safety of their products. The need to take vitamins every day is not necessary, we can get adequate nutrient intake from what we are eating.

Summary 2

The Daily Shower Can Be a Killer

It seems counterintuitive how showering, something you do every day, can put you at a big risk of getting hurt or even worse. For elderly people, falling is a common death. Their quota is 15 more years of life, which means they have 5,745 more showers left when showering every day. That gives them the risk of falling in the shower 1 in 1,000 chance. A study was done that compared Americans’ perceived ranking of dangers with the rankings of real danger. It was concluded that we exaggerate the risk beyond our control and we underestimate the risks we can control. We believe that the risks we underestimate could never happen to us, but they can no matter how careful you are.

Summary 3

Elderly Animals

It seems counterintuitive that older animals’ emotions seen in animals can be photographed while the emotions we humans experience are not to be photographed. The photographer Isa wanted to capture the animals in their natural state of emotions, she didn’t want to capture their sentimentality because it felt disrespectful. She decided not to take pictures of her parents who were older, and one had Alzheimer’s disease. A year after she discovered petey (an old horse) she was mesmerized and fell in love with him and stayed the whole day and took pictures. This is how the whole project started. The pictures she takes are given to the caregivers and they find comfort in them, mostly when the animal has passed. Not only did the pictures help the caregivers, it also helped Isa, to her this was her way of coping with her family and not being able to take pictures of them.