Rebuttal Rewrite- Peter Bomersbach

The debate on whether violent video games can cause aggressive behaviors or not change anything at all. Studies show both sides of the argument of how violent video games effect children. There is the side of violent video games cause an increase in aggressive behavior and mental health. Then there is the result of no correlation between a change in behaviors and playing mature video games. The result of playing violent video games depends all on the personality of the human playing the video game such as having a child with an outgoing personality with a result of no effect and a child with a timid, shy personality with a dangerous effect. For me personally, playing violent video games have no effect on me whatsoever but as far as my brother goes, he is a totally different situation. Video games can be a different experience for everyone who plays, it all depends on their personality.

In an article, “Violent Video Games May Increase Aggresion in Some But Not Others, Says New Research,” Dr. Ferguson said, “Violent video games are like peanut butter” He also said “They are harmless for the vast majority of kids but are harmful to a small minority with pre-existing personality or mental health problems.” This is like the situation for my brother, I am fine after playing violent video games but on the other hand he is not. Aggression is the leading cause as to why violent video games get so much attention, even at this point in time the majority of violent video games is what all gamers enjoy.

There are plenty of studies out there that try to prove no connection between violent video games and aggressive behavior. In the article, “No evidence to support link between violent video games and behavior, the University of York stated in their study, “In a series of experiments, with more than 3,000 participants, the team demonstrated that video game concepts do not ‘prime’ players to behave in certain ways and that increasing the realism of violent video games does not necessarily increase aggression in game players.” This quote from the University of York explosions what they found but they are missing key factors such as the participants past and what they have been through or their personality before beginning the study. They also mentioned how increasing how real the virtual situation is in game might prepare them for real life but that was not the case since they achieved mixed results. Other studies suggest people who play violent video games become desensitized by the graphical images in game and become immoral when it happens in real life. Author “Cheryl K. Olsen” from the Massachusetts General Hospital posted an article, “Children’s Motivations for Video Game Play in the Context of Normal Development,” stating, “Researchers are now exploring what children can gain from electronic games, often emphasizing their potential to teach academic skills.” This explains what children can do with potential of playing the right kind of video game.

 

Sources:

 

Ferguson, Christipher. “Violent Video Games May Increase Aggression in Some But Not Others, Says New Research.” American Psychological Association, American Psychological Association, 7 June 2010.

 

Olsen, Cheryl K. Children’s Motivations for Video Game Play in the Context of Normal Development. Massachusetts General Hospital, 16 Jan. 2010.

One thought on “Rebuttal Rewrite- Peter Bomersbach”

  1. PB, if you had asked for feedback on this assignment, I would have told you to take a look at the post titled “Grade Levels” to find your writing style among the samples.
    https://counterintuitivefa18.com/syllabus/grade-levels/

    This first paragraph comes straight from the D section.

    The debate on whether violent video games can cause aggressive behaviors or not change anything at all. Studies show both sides of the argument of how violent video games effect children. There is the side of violent video games cause an increase in aggressive behavior and mental health. Then there is the result of no correlation between a change in behaviors and playing mature video games. The result of playing violent video games depends all on the personality of the human playing the video game such as having a child with an outgoing personality with a result of no effect and a child with a timid, shy personality with a dangerous effect. For me personally, playing violent video games have no effect on me whatsoever but as far as my brother goes, he is a totally different situation. Video games can be a different experience for everyone who plays, it all depends on their personality.

    It starts with an illegal fragment that any reader would know immediately needs to be fixed. It uses far too much language to make far too few claims and should be radically revised to correct both problems.

    Studies show that playing violent video games causes an increase in aggressive behavior and mental health problems among children. But other studies show no correlation between the games and regrettable childhood behavior. Still other studies show that children with outgoing personalities like myself can play without danger, while shy children like my brother can become aggressive or fearful.

    No meaning is lost in this version, just the excess language. What’s more, the ideas benefit from the brevity and clarity with which they’re expressed.

    I wish we had had this conversation earlier using your own work as material, but I do feel I’ve demonstrated this revision technique several times in both posts and classroom workshops.

    Like

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