Crimes dwell in our neighborhoods; it is as if they are the stronghold of our societies since the time of our ancestors. Just the other day there was a synagogue shooting in Pittsburgh; this adds up to the numerous mass shooting cases our society face- According to J. Courtland of ABC 15 news report out of Arizona, in the span of 2 years, 2017-2018, the U.S have had about 639 incident of a mass shooting. In 2016 the U.S had a 4.1 percent increase in violent crimes, while crimes on properties fell to a 1.3 percent, which includes a whopping 19.1 percent overall decline in burglary in the United States (2016). The FBI’Ss “Crime in the United States” report that The United States saw a flashing number of about 1,515,096 burglaries in 2016, in other words, a 4.6 percent decrease in the number of burglary relative to those from 2015. Even though the numbers look huge, compared to the total population of the United States, crimes on properties are heading in the right direction. Crimes such as burglary which is on a steady decrease according to the 2016 FBI crime report statistics. Burglary cases are dropping steadily because of the new innovative technology that helps us keep our homes safe even when we are not around. Home securities, along sides our law enforcement officers, have done a swell job at keep burglars at bay.
Let’s take a look at the City of Old Bridge, a small suburban neighborhood in North- Central Jersey with a population of about 66,673 according to the 2016 census. Old bridge has a crime index of 65, which implies it is safer than 65% of U.S. Cities. Just like Glassboro, the demographics of Old Bridge is slightly similar, except Old Bridge has a larger population than Glassboro, yet Glassboro has a higher crime rate than Old Bridge. It may seem that the absence of a huge college institution such as Rowan University in Old Bridge can be a key to the low crime rates in Old Bridge. What if the absence of a huge institution such as colleges, and so on is not the reason for Old Bridge’s low crime statistics, rather it is the characters of the mass population of its habitat that make a huge difference. Old Bridge as we know has one of the largest high schools in the State of New Jersey, way bigger than Glassboro high, and might be three-eight the size of Rowan University. In 2016 four of Old Bridge district Schools earned National School of Character, which puts Old Bridge in top 10 National district of Character in the state of New Jersey. Sizes do not matter when it comes to the fact that we have a city with high burglary rates when nationwide, burglary rates are steadily dropping. Take a look at the stats from Glassboro’s neighboring community, Williamstown; just like Old Bridge, it has no huge institutions present, and it has lower crime rates than Glassboro.
Have we looked into the other factors in the crime report? It is as if burglary is the only crime in the report. Ultimately burglary is not the reason why crime rates are sky high in Glassboro because, in reality, it is people without character in Glassboro that are driving crime rates up in the city of Glassboro. The national statistics for burglary occurrences are on a steady decline, but Glassboro, on the other hand, is receiving the opposite stats for this same crime. Security and preventative measure are adopted into our society regularly. You can believe all these innovative, and improved technologies are made available for everyone including people living in Glassboro. We can see that their problem is not a technological one, but one of character. It is safe to assume that the people living there need to be vetted, maybe stricter policies should be imposed on Rowan University. Also, more police officers patrolling the neighborhood would scare people who are on the verge of committing a crime. Take a look at Old Bridge, it has numerous police officers patrolling the streets of Old bridge daily, and I must say it seems to be working, hence the low crime rate. Also, we may believe that Glassboro is or isn’t a crime infested city, well think about the tribulation they have to deal with, with these obnoxious young adults running wild in the streets of Glassboro. Cases including assaults and harassment are generally high in areas closest to Rowan University.
Courtland, J. Mass shootings in the U.S.: When, where they occurred in 2018. ABC 15 ARIZONA. https://www.abc15.com/news/data/mass-shootings-in-the-us-when-where-they-have-occurred-in-2018 . Accessed 29 October 2018.
Crime in the United States. U.S Department of Justice. FBI. CJISD. https://ucr.fbi.gov/crime-in-the-u.s/2016/crime-in-the-u.s.-2016/topic-pages/burglary . Accessed 29 October 2018.
Old Bridge Township Public Schools. https://www.oldbridgeadmin.org/Page/10711 . Accessed 31 October 2018.
2016 Crime Statistics Released. https://www.fbi.gov/news/stories/2016-crime-statistics-released . Accessed 29 October 2018
One thought on “Rebuttal Version 1.5”
P1. You spend a lot of time slinging numbers in your first paragraph, KinGG, but not explaining why. Organizing the details in my own mind (and ignoring the first sentence, which seems like a distraction), I’ve decided that burglar alarms and home security systems have accomplished a reduction in burglaries, but that so far there’s no technological fix for murders and mass shootings. If this essay is going to stand on its own merits as an argument, the rest of your paragraphs should somehow grow out of this basic comparison.
P2. I really like the “crime index” number. I had no idea there was such a measure for the “relative” safety of cities. Your comparisons are confusing here. Why are the demographics “slightly” similar “except” for a population difference? Why does Glassboro’s smaller popular warrant a “yet” higher crime rate? To whom “may it seem” the absence of a college reduces crime? To the author? And who is responsible for the rhetorical question about “the character of the mass population”? Which of the cities has the “high burglary rate”? Since we don’t know who’s talking, KinGG, the odd emphasis on “huge institutions” is very hard to calculate.
Instead of rhetorical questions, please use bold clear claims to make your case.
Once you establish your position in unambiguous language like that, readers will permit you to use nuance. But you can’t nuance your way to a thesis. You’ve got to nail it down.
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