Sentence Improvement Examples
Taking helmets out of football is a very counterintuitive idea itself.
Taking helmets out of football is counterintuitive.
It may seem as if this will hurt the players, but in fact it will help protect the players.
Playing unprotected will help players, not hurt them.
No helmets will make keep players from taking risky, hard hits, and cause them to have more caution when playing the game.
Playing bareheaded will keep players from tackling head-first, sparing them from head, neck, and brain injuries.
They all will be protected from severe concussions, spinal cord injuries, and developing CTE later in life.
They will be protected from severe concussions, spinal cord injuries, and late-developing CTEs.
There is however, some opposition to this counterintuitive idea.
There is, however, some opposition to this counterintuitive idea.
Many people feel as if there would be no change to the amount of head injuries sustained in a football game.
Many people feel there would be no reduction to the number of head injuries sustained in a football game.
They feel as if players will still hit hard, and make risky plays.
They feel players will still hit hard and make risky plays.
Today football helmets are evolving more and more everyday.
Football helmets are evolving.
Risk compensation is when protective equipment prompts individuals to act more aggressively which increases the potential for injury.
“Risk compensation” is the tendency of players to risk injury through reckless play when equipment upgrades make them feel invulnerable.
If you give an individual better protective equipment, they are going to have an increase in aggression, causing more injuries.
More-protective equipment encourages reckless play, causing more injuries.
Helmets may have been upgraded, and made to absorb hits, but they still do the same damage.
Today’s helmets absorb more hits, but players’ brains suffer the same damage.
END OF EXAMPLES
Counterintuitive 
Discussed final preparations for the final few classes, clarifying what is required of us including a new assignment called the self-reflective summary. Personally, this class period cleared up a lot of questions that I have had, especially when it comes to the portfolio such as where to compile our writing, what writing is needed, and more unique things that are needed such as how several of our pieces need an original as well as a revised piece of work.
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1) Went over all 8 items that need to be in the Final Portfolio
2) Discussed how our Self-Reflexive should look like. Gave us a guideline to copy and paste then to work off of that.
3) We went over the proper way to use statistics in our essays. Show the importance of the statistic, then reveal the numbers.
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Nov. 29 Notes
-Portfolio drop deadline is next Thursday. 8 required pieces.
– 2 short arguments and their earlier draft, a visual rhetoric assignment, annotated bibliography, reflective statement, and research argument.
-For the self reflective statement, use the 5 core values and reflect on them. For each provide a link to a post that demonstrates those values.
-When using statistics, draw the conclusions for the readers first.
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Portfolio drop dead deadline- Thursday Dec 6.
reflective statement. Included in the Portfolio. Follow The guide, I have already posted the template into my portfolio. Be sure to link to another post that demonstrates understanding of the core value.
Use your statistics, but use them well. Tell them what you want them to take from the stats. Tell them before you present them.
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1. Portfolio (Dec/06): Annotated bibliography, position essay, visual rhetoric rewrite, two short arguments (rewrite and original), and self-reflective statement.
2. Final Grade: It might be posted by midnight Dec 14.
3. Self-reflective statement:
– Writing is a social experience that depends on collaboration.
– Demonstrate your understanding of each core value. Include links of previous tasks.
– We’re a multimedia generation. Visual components are as important as audio components.
– Use cut-and-paste formatting.
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– The link The Portfolio on November 29, 2018 has information on all materials needed for the final portfolio assignment
– Portfolio assignment deadline is THU Dec 06
– The self-reflective statement is due with the portfolio assignment, the link has information on how to complete and a sample
– Review research assignment to check for bluffed sentences and useless words
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The Portfolio
– Must include 8 pieces of work
— Item 1: 3000-word research paper
— Item 2: annotated bibliography, 10-15 Sources
— Item 3: visual rhetoric rewrite
— Item 4: self-reflective statement
— Item 5-8: two of the following:
— Definition Rewrite and original Definition Argument
— Causal Rewrite and original Causal Argument
— Rebuttal Rewrite and original Rebuttal Argument
– Due Thursday Dec. 6 on or before class
– When the portfolio is in order a professor grade conference can be scheduled
Grade Conference
– One-on-one conference with the professor about your final grade
– Tuesday, Dec. 11 and Thursday, Dec. 13
– Final grades will be posted on Friday Dec. 14th
Self-reflective Statement
– Due Thursday, Dec. 13
– Post in a new blog and add to your portfolio
– Use 5 core values and reflect on them
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-Went over all 8 items that need to be in the Final Portfolio.
-The Portfolio Must include 8 pieces of work that are: –
— 3000-word research paper
— annotated bibliography, 10-15 Sources
— visual rhetoric rewrite
— self-reflective statement
— two of the following:
— Definition Rewrite and original Definition Argument
— Causal Rewrite and original Causal Argument
— Rebuttal Rewrite and original Rebuttal Argument
-this is due Thursday Dec. 6 on or before class.
-For Grade Conference: have One-on-one conference with the professor about your final grade. The dates are Tuesday, Dec. 11 and Thursday, Dec. 13
-Self-reflective Statement is Due by Thursday, Dec. 1. Post in a new blog and add to your portfolio and Use 5 core values and reflect on them
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November 29th
• The reflective statement is the argument we are making to the Writing Arts Department. Professor is trying to make this assignment as easy as possible for us. (Thank you for that, I appreciate it!!)
• Use the 5 core values and reflect on them.
• We will meet as a group twice more, next Tuesday as well as Thursday. After that we will meet individually with Professor to discuss final grades.
• Portfolio includes 8 pieces of work (my portfolio will include):
– 3000- word research paper
-Annotated Bibliography
-Visual Rhetoric Rewrite
-Self-Reflective Statement
-Definition 1st Draft
-Definition Rewrite
-Rebuttal 1st draft
-Rebuttal Rewrite
• Portfolio will be completed December 6th but we are allowed to continue to revise up until the day of our conference. It is an extremely easy process to move work into the portfolio on the blog.
• Final grades will be posted no later than Friday December 14th
• No need to be nervous for conference. Our grades are most likely going to be better than we expect, have confidence.
Today’s class cleared up a lot of confusion that I had. Thank you for taking the time and going over all of the information you did today, I feel as if a little bit of weight was lifted off of my shoulders.
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11-29-18
Look under today’s agenda in “Portfolio” and “Reflective Statement” to see requirements
For portfolio…
-2 short arguments, including the originals and rewrites
-Visual rhetoric (just rewrite)
-Annotated bibliography
-3000 word research essay
-Self-reflective statement
Once you’ve finished, edit posts and place them in your portfolio category
DEADLINE THU DEC 6
Rest of work not in portfolio- 25%
You can revise after deadline, just be aware of when your final conference time is.
If you haven’t made two separate posts for arguments and rewrites, copy and paste updated version and just name “causal” or “rebuttal”. Edits can be seen under “history”.
Go to history, click on the first edit, and load the original.
Self Reflective
Follow link in today’s agenda for example
DUE THU DEC 6
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PORTFOLIO
deadline is 12/6
Your portfolio will not be printed, but instead will be posted to the blog under a new category Hodge has created for you : YourUsername Portfolio
*Must include 8 parts*:
1. 3000 word essay
2. annotated bib
3. visual rewrite
4. Self Reflective statemenent
5. TWO CHOICES OF A REWRITE AND EARLIER DRAFT FROM:
-Rebuttal rewrite (and draft)
-Defintion rewrite (and draft)
-Casual rewrite (and draft)
MAKE SURE YOU SCHEDULE YOUR LAST APPOINTMENT WITH HODGE WITH COMPLETE SATISFACTION WITH YOUR PORTFOLIO .(If you need more time to revise, schedule a later date, but be aware it may take longer to be graded this way)
REFLECTIVE STATEMENT
Due 12/06 (along with your completed portfolio)
Post directly to your portfolio; there will be no re writes & no critique
The point of this assignment is to demonstrate your understanding of the core values of the First Year Writing Program, which we discussed at the beginning of the semster , and include links to your own work proving so.
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The Portfolio is due on December the 6th. The final touches should be placed on all of the work going into the portfolio within the next two weeks. All portfolio pieces should be in the portfolio by 6th also. Revision can continue pass this point but there is no guarantee that the professor will read an updated portfolio, especially if a student is having an earlier conference date.
The reflective statement is used to showcase a writer’s ability to understand and use the core values. These values should link to assignments that embody the value itself.
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We went over all the items that are in our final portfolio. 3000 words, self reflection statement, visual rewrite, 2 rewrites plus the originals, annotated bibliography
Pick two of the 3 thousand word essays rewrite them (causal, definition, rebuttal)
Schedule grade conference after finished everything.
Expect your grade to be good
Dec. 13 self reflective is due
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For either the 11th or 13th of December, you will have a grade conference with Professor Hodges. The Portfolio is a collection of documents proscribed by the writing art department. The information about the portfolio and self reflective statement is linked on this page of the blog. The deadline for the portfolio is Thursday December 6th. You can revise your work after next Thursday but have no idea when Professor Hodges is actually going to grade it.
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Our portfolio deadline is next thursday 8 pieces should be in our portfolio.
The self reflective statement will have 5 core values.
The self reflective statement is a one time draft and should be placed in the portfolio by Dec 6.
The final grade may be posted on Dec 14 at midnight.
Conferences will be around 15 min on the date that is chosen.
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11/29
In portfolio:
3,000 word essay
Annotated bib
Self reflective essay
Visual rewrite
Definition and causal argument (x4)
Created portfolio categories for usernames
Work can be revised up until the time slot for final teacher conference. If more revisions need to be made, schedule a later conference.
At the conference a grade will be agreed on.
Reflective statement:
Last task
5 Core values
Cut and paste SRS outline into blog post
All assignments due Dec 6th (putting portfolio together this day)
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– Discussed what we are doing for the last day of classes.
Portfolio required 8 pieces of our writing.
– All 8 items must be in the portfolio before or during class on Thursday December 6th.
– You can revise your work after next Thursday, but if you feel like you need more time, schedule a later conference.
– Went over the reflective statement post, which is the last assignment required for the portfolio.
– You were considered literate if you could write your own name back in the day.
-When using statistics, draw the conclusions for the reader first.
– We will meet as a group twice more, next Tuesday as well as Thursday. After that we will meet individually with the professor to discuss final grades.
– Final grades will be posted no later than Friday December 14th.
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-portfolio requirements: 3000-word paper, annotated bibliography, self-reflective statement, visual rewrite, 2 short arguments (original and rewrite). 8 things total
-deadline is Thursday, December 6th
-however, you can still revise your work after December 6th.
-make sure you meet the core values and show examples of how you did them in the self-reflective statement
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– Our portfolio has 8 requirements. They belong into a category called portfolio. It is due Thursday the 6th.
– We need to write our core values as a self-reflection. They show what we learned from the course and our writing abilities.
-Our final grades will be posted no later than December 14th.
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