Visual Rewrite- beachgirl04

Play Catch With Her

0:00-0:03- Five steps away from the high tide ocean and a very calm sea, an apparently teen-aged boy in long pants and a long- sleeved shirt with sunglasses to block the glare of the sun kicks a beach ball into the air over his head. The camera shows us a wide view of the beach to show the boy as well as a girl. It is either dawn or sundown and we are aware of that because of the long thin shadow. The boy is only paying to attention to what is in front of him because the girl is running toward him and makes an attempt to jump upward to get the ball he has kicked. The girl is younger than him, she is dressed in pink knee-length leggings and a loose pink top. She runs towards the ball and is very happy, she throws her arms above her head to track the ball’s fall in order to catch it. After the boy kicked the ball into the air he follows it to watch where it will fall but lets the girl catch it after a small bounce. He kicked the ball up for the young girl and wants her to enjoy the time they are spending together on the beach. She puts her tiny arms around as much of the ball as possible as the scene shifts. The boy and the young girl may love the beach, they may have been bored or the boy just wanted to spend some quality time with his sister or daughter.

0:04- The scene shifts and moves from a beach scene to an open field with a white sided house in the background behind multiple different bare trees. There is a man who looks to be in his 20’s or 30’s standing in the dew-covered grass wearing a hat, a jacket and light blue jeans. He looks as if he is about to throw something winding up with his right arm as his throwing arm and the left arm in front, putting more pressure on his back-right leg while the left leg is lifted off of the ground a tiny amount. The season looks to be as if it fall due to the jeans and jacket the man is wearing and the lack of leaves on the trees that are near the house. The man quickly releases the baseball with not much force behind his throw, I do not know where the ball is going it could either be to another person or just to open field. The camera is at a little bit below eye level a good distance away from the man. Even though this is a different scene from before, both of the scenes involve a type of ball along with people. This could exemplify individuals spending time with one another during the nice weather, it could show how important it is to spend time with your family. The other individual may not have been pictured in this scene because he/she could’ve been too far away but it is very unlikely that this man is outside just throwing a ball by himself.

0:05- The scene changes again and shows a young girl around the age of 4 or 5 of color dressed in flips flops twice her size, a blue and white skirt and a light grey short sleeve shirt catching a small blow up colorful beach ball in a fenced in backyard from another person but the other person is not pictured. The sun is setting behind her and she looks frightened and squeezes her eyes shut as the ball is coming into her bent arms. The grass is not the healthiest grass, there are many patches of dead brown grass and very few patches of healthy green grass. This again, involves another type of ball and another individual. She is catching the beachball so it must be coming from another person. It is constant that people are involved in activity with one another and taking time to spend it with others.

0:06- The camera shifts over to show the other little girl who is smaller than her sister dressed in a short-sleeve shirt and long blue jeans. She is having a catch in the same backyard with her sister using the small colorful beach ball. The father who is a big man of color wearing a short-sleeve button up black shirt and dark blue jeans strots out to the backyard to see his two daughters spending time together. He looks interested in getting involved with his arms out to receive if they decide to involve him in their pass and begins having a conversation with his daughters. This shows two sisters spending time together in their backyard and the father coming out to see what they are up to. I would assume the father loves what he sees when he walks out to his daughters and asks them if he could be apart of their pass with the beachball. He wants to take time out of his day to give his daughters attention.

0:07- Change of scenery again, the camera moves inside to a very nice kitchen with stainless steel appliances, granite counter tops and the fridge has magnets all over it which shows there are most likely children who live in the house. There are white cabinets with silver knobs throughout the kitchen. There is a young girl with dirty blonde hair past her shoulders dressed in a blue princess dress who is running out of the kitchen very quickly as if someone is calling her name or the doorbell just rung. I can tell that the family of this daughter likes to keep things organized by the look of the kitchen, it is a very nice kitchen and the young girl looks very happy to be in the house.

0:08- A teenage boy in a dark long sleeve shirt is standing outside of a nice set of garage doors with the windows at the top and the door panels below it, the garage doors are tan.  The teenaged boy is outside during the night time tossing a small item up to himself.

0:10- The camera shifts back inside into the kitchen, stainless steel refrigerator, white cabinets and granite counter tops behind the young girl dressed like a princess. She just bent her arms and caught a small orange ball, the joy on her face is ecstatic.

0:11- The scene shifts once again to a living or family room furnished with two matching black leather chairs and two dark orange fall looking decor pillows along with a small circular side table in between the chairs. There is a big window in the center of the picture that we can see a man dressed in a short sleeve shirt wearing glasses and a young girl dressed in all pink outfront of their house passing a giant lantern looking ball back and forth a couple feet apart from one another. The house looks to be in a warm state, there are palm trees along with the sun shining through the window. There is a vehicle parked outside of the house that the photo shows the front of. This seems to be another father and daughter spending time together outside passing a ball around.

0:14-0:15-The scene shifts to another outside scene but a little bit darker than before with a father and a daughter in her teenage years having a pass with a volleyball outside of their house as it gets later into the night, it is not extremely dark out but the house light is helping these individuals see what they are doing. The blue sky is still pictured and shows through some of the trees. They volley the ball back and forth while moving around. The father is in gray shorts and a white t shirt while the daughter is in a pink hoodie and dark shorts which makes me believe that it is a summer night. This father took the time out of his night to spend some time with his daughter, maybe volleyball is her passion and her father wants her to be the best possible volleyball player there is.

0:16- The scene changes and there is a teenage girl at sunset jumping into a backyard pool about to catch some sort of ball from an individual not pictured. She is midstride into the pool wearing a bikini and her hair pulled back with her arms fully extended into the air. There is an umbrella and a pair of chairs that are placed at the end of the pool along with a couple different planters on the cement that surrounds that pool, there is a big white fence that encloses the pool with a few trees and a red roofed house on the other side of that fence. Sue must be catching the ball from someone else because a ball is not just flying out of no where. Whether the other individual be a sibling, a friend, a parent is unknown. I would assume it is her father because as previously shown it is important to spend time as father and daughter.

0:17- The girl wearing a blue bikini with her dark hair pulled up into a bun catches the ball and jumps into the pool, she is submerged under water and pops her head back up with her hair in her eyes and has a huge smile on her face and looks like she is ready to laugh about what had just happened. I am sure she is shocked that she actually the ball that was thrown. The pool has a glare on it that makes the water look a lot darker than normal light blue pool water. Someone who is not pictured must be complimenting her on her awesome catch because she is very happy.

0:19- The camera changes scenes again and moved to a softball field, where a tall girl with dark hair in a baggy grey t shirt and navy blue softball pants is winding up to pitch a bright yellow softball at a very fast speed. She is right handed and holds the glove in her left hand. Blue skies and a few clouds are in the sky.

0:20- The girl who just released her pitch on the softball field is pitching to her father who is dressed with a navy blue polo, navy and white hat, sunglasses and shorts who caught the ball while squatting behind home plate with the glove in his right hand. They are practicing his daughter’s pitching skills and he looks like he is ready to compliment her on her last pitch because he uses his left hand and points to her and begins speaking. This girl and her father have a bond over softball, the father is taking time out of his day to help his daughter become a better pitcher.

0:23- The camera moves to an older man with grey combed over hair dressed in a light blue short-sleeve shirt in the night time who has a football in his right hand. He is ready to pass it to someone who is not pictured. The houses behind the man look as though they are in Florida because of the palm trees pictured. There is a white house behind him as well as a black mini-van.

0:24: The camera zooms out and shows the man throwing the football to a woman with her hair pulled back and shows the back of her head as she puts both of her arms in the air to intercept the pass. The man and the women are about 15 feet apart in the middle of a street, it looks as if they are in a colt sack because of how the two houses pictured are positioned.

0:25- The ad transitions into a black screen with white writing for the remainder of the video “It only takes a moment to make a moment.” I believe that this quote means it only takes a moment to make someone else’s day and to have an impact on them. Even though the director of this video did a great job of getting her point across to the audience but I believe she could’ve done an even better job. In the scenes where both individuals were not pictured, I believe she should have pictured them in one or two because that would have made the audience 100% realize her reason behind this video.

5 thoughts on “Visual Rewrite- beachgirl04”

  1. Professor, if you get a chance could you read over the first couple sentences of my revised assignment above? I did make substantial changes from my first draft to this one but if you have any suggestions on how to improve my work I would be interested in attempting!

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  2. BG, I can’t tell you how impressed I am that you continue to engage in the Feedback process. Your Visual assignment is SO much better than it was when you started.

    Here’s the hard part to hear: you’re only halfway home.

    You’ve radically improved your VISUAL analysis. Now it’s time to BEGIN your RHETORICAL analysis.

    Follow this link to the class we devoted to this topic:
    https://counterintuitivefa18.com/2018/11/20/visual-rewrite-advice/

    Let me give you an example of how to evaluate the RHETORICAL value of a visual argument.

    After the man facing right in the rural field “soft-tosses” his baseball, we never see it again. Instead, a tiny black girl facing left fails to catch a small beach ball. Our brains connect the two actions momentarily, as if the man could have been throwing the ball to this girl, but everything about their circumstances makes this impossible. He threw a baseball. She tries to catch a beach ball. It’s dusk when he throws it, seen from a distance. It’s daylight when she misses the catch, seen up close. The similarity/disparity of the actions makes us connect them but recognize they can’t be part of the same action. THEY COULD, however, be part of a COLLECTION of actions. That’s what we’re shown, in sequence; lots of dads throwing balls; lots of daughters catching—or failing to catch—balls. Enjoying the activity. Enjoying that they’re SHARING the activity. We hear a lot about dads “playing catch” with their sons. It’s a cultural trope. But not so much about playing catch with their daughters. Why not?”

    At some point in the video, the rhetorical value of this sequence of images must have occurred to you, BG. Share with us how the visual component of the video helped contribute to that social recommendation, that dads should strongly consider giving their daughters the sort of attention they lavish on their sons.

    Get it?

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    1. Professor, I do get it but do I need to make a comment on each of the seconds of the video about this? Sorry I am a bit confused but I am willing to fix this tonight!

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  3. Brilliant work, BG. Add a wrap-up analysis sentence or two to the final second of your timeline. Say how WELL or how POORLY the director used her 30 seconds to deliver the core message you’ve been evaluating all the way through. Could it have been better? If so, how?

    You’ve done work of which you can be proud.

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