Money plays a huge role in our society today and without any, survival would become vastly difficult. Although not always tangible, its value is forever known by its owners; as long as they allow the banking system to handle their money, which would requires trust in both in that banking system and the government. What we as a society tend to neglect is the fact that money is not actually real; it is the the exact belief of its existence that what makes it endure. For most of us when we get paid, the money is directly transferred into our accounts and then spent without actually seeing a single physical dollar of it. Imagine what would happen if that trust in its existence and the banks to protect our money ever faltered.
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Counterintuitive 
This is strong work overall, Bean, but I want to caution you against a rhetorical tic. You make claims as if someone is arguing with you.
Compare the following claims. I am first to speak:
I sound as if I’m responding to a very strenuous argument:
That extra language is the rhetorical equivalent of stamping your feet.
Here you do it twice in one sentence:
Or: Society’s belief in money is all that makes it real.
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