Robust Verbs—jokerthefool

There is a huge problem in Vancouver with heroin addicts committing crimes to support their habits. The “free heroin for addicts” program is doing everything they can to stop the addicts. The problem is that there is a large crime rate due to the addicts. It is obvious that addicts have a hard time getting through their day to day lives. Daily activities such as jobs, interactions, and relationships are hard to maintain because of the fact that they are using. By heroin users being addicted, they will do whatever they have to do to get their hands on the drug. The types of crimes committed are those of breaking and entering as well as stealing. There are no limits to where they will go to retrieve this drug so that they can feed their addiction. The problem with this program is that it won’t help to ween these addicts off using heroin. It is only trying to save the city from rising crime rates that they’re up to. By providing the drug, these addicts will be off the streets, which in turn will prevent them from committing minor street crimes. This will also keep the heroin users out of the hospital. It is pointless that the hospitals have to deal with people that want to use bad drugs or unsanitary needles and find themselves being unable to afford hospital bills and hard to cope without the drug. This program gives people free heroin in the cleanest way possible. This will in turn fix the city  but not the addiction that these people face.

1.) There is a huge problem in Vancouver with heroin addicts committing crimes to support their habits.

In Vancouver, heroin addicts are stealing, mugging, and breaking and entering, to support their addiction.

2.) Daily activities such as jobs, interactions, and relationships are hard to maintain because of the fact that they are using.

Addicts fail at maintaining relationships, and jobs, because they spend time supporting their addiction

3.)The “free heroin for addicts” program is doing everything they can to stop the addicts…The problem with this program is that it won’t help to ween these addicts off using heroin.

“Free heroin for addicts” is a program designed to help the addicts with their addition and interpersonal issues,  but it propagates the cycle instead.

4.)By providing the drug, these addicts will be off the streets, which in turn will prevent them from committing minor street crimes. This will also keep the heroin users out of the hospital. It is pointless that the hospitals have to deal with people that want to use bad drugs or unsanitary needles and find themselves being unable to afford hospital bills and hard to cope without the drug.

Vancouver citizens aren’t concerned with getting addicts off heroin, they want the addicts to stop committing crimes, and filling up space in public hospitals

5.)This program gives people free heroin in the cleanest way possible. This will in turn fix the city  but not the addiction that these people face.

This program aims to provide heroin in a clean way, but this only fixes the city, not the people suffering from addiction.

New Paragraph: In Vancouver, heroin addicts are stealing, mugging, and breaking and entering, to support their addiction. Addicts fail at maintaining relationships, and jobs, because they spend time supporting their addiction.”Free heroin for addicts” is a program designed to help the addicts with their addiction dand interpersonal issues,  but it propagates the cycle instead. Vancouver citizens aren’t concerned with getting addicts off heroin, they want the addicts to stop committing crimes, and filling up space in public hospitals. This program aims to provide heroin in a clean way, but this only fixes the city, not the people suffering from addiction.

3 thoughts on “Robust Verbs—jokerthefool”

  1. You’ve crafted a brilliant paragraph here, Joker, that I can improve only slightly with some tricks to tighten up your language.

    Lose the “its.”
    — “Free heroin for addicts,” a program designed to help addicts function better, perpetuates the cycle of addiction instead.

    Semicolon use. Needless comma.
    — Vancouver citizens aren’t concerned with getting addicts off heroin; they want addicts to stop committing crimes and filling the beds in public hospitals.

    Lose the “thises.”
    — Providing quality heroin in a clean way fixes the city but not the people suffering from addiction.

    These recommended replacements don’t make your sentences wrong, Joker.
    Reactions please?

    Like

    1. I appreciate the language help. I know messages can be lost if language isn’t tight enough. I agree with all of these fixes. They help the sentences flow more naturally and feel less awkward.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. The longer I live and write, Joker, the more obvious I find it that the best writing is the simplest and most vivid explanation of a complex idea.

        You were three-quarters of the way there in your draft. You had addicts stealing and mugging. You had the program helping but perpetuating. The public was a little inactive. The cops and the hospitals didn’t weigh in. They could. They could demand relief from the City in your version, in just a verb.

        When an action is being taken, don’t focus on the wish, the hope, or the opportunity. The program isn’t “designed to help”; it helps. It doesn’t “aim to provide safe heroin”; it provides safe heroin. See what I’m getting at? Yes, it’s designed to aim to hope to have an opportunity to help by providing. But it’s already helping by providing, so the rest is moot.

        You don’t have to spend another minute on this already very fine draft, Joker. I’d rather you transport the clarity of language exhibited here to your more important work. (But if you wanted to send up another draft, I’d surely be intrigued to see it.) 🙂

        Like

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