1. Helmet technology to reduce concussions
2. Helmet technology and concussions in all levels of football
3. The effects that players sustain because of not having the proper helmet technology
4. Helmet designs that keep count of the number of forced impact hits to the player’s head will decrease the number of concussions that players get from playing in full contact games.
5. Penalizing coaches for not taking their players out after knowing the count and force of blows to a player’s head will decrease the number of concussions players get.
6. Suspending coaches from coaching games would reduce concussions more than helmet technology by making coaches pay close attention to their player’s head count and taking this issue more serious.
Counterintuitive 
This is deeply disturbing, Velez. That within hours of the deadline for your White Paper you haven’t posted a Hypothesis indicates trouble. Please understand this is not a course where you can delay your performance until the final weeks and hope to succeed. It’s a performance and improvement class (like a piano class) in which both grades and your success depend on how well you build on early work, respond to feedback, and improve.
If you’re not in the game by the 1/3 mark, you’re in danger.
Respond please.
LikeLike
This is what I’ve had for the last couple weeks and i didn’t like it. I loved your idea of concussions but didn’t want to copy you. At this point I’ll just hand in what I have.
LikeLike
This is getting better, Velez. I think our conversation helped clarify a few things for both of us. I wonder now how your hypothesis shifts so radically from helmet technology to coaching decisions as the way to prevent concussions. What I have to guess is that you want to use the “Helmet Technology will Solve the Problem” argument as the argument to refute. You’re planning to lure your reader into believing there’s a technological solution, then pull the switcheroo. No amount of technology can prevent the brain from slamming against the inside of the skull if players throw their heads wantonly into hard objects. Only coaches and referees can prevent them from doing that by limiting their playing time, penalizing them for dangerous hits, or terminating their seasons early.
That’s not where I thought you were trending, but I’m fine with the approach if you can keep it from being totally derivative of the arguments of others. This is a well-worn path that follows thousands of other student papers. Showing your work along the way will be crucial. Let’s see some early drafts so we can work together on revisions.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Now we’re getting somewhere! It’s pretty broad that you want to cover helmets, technology, playtime limits, and coaching penalties at ALL LEVELS of football, but I’ll allow it until you decide (hopefully soon) that you need to focus on high school, or college, or the pros.
The obvious parameters in those very different arenas are the age of the players, their coaches’ various levels of responsibility for their players’ safety, the willingness of the coaches to bend the rules, and the cost of the helmets, which could be prohibitive for the school players.
But this is a brilliant strategy you’re adopting, to penalize THE COACHES, not the players, for violating the head blow protocols. I look forward to seeing how this plays out.
As long as you keep responding, I’ll keep engaging in the feedback loop, Velez. Put the post back into the Feedback Please category if you need another dose.
LikeLiked by 1 person